2014, I was pretty dang close to losing 100 pounds. I was one pound heavier than I am today. I was dropping weight like nobodies business. I was heavily entrenched in a fitness community. I was eating decent…but not great. Portions were still way too much. And, I justified a lot of “cheat days.” And then, it happened. Something rocked my boat.
Downsize Fitness closed. If you’re a big dude, it is NOT pleasant working out at a “regular” gym. Judgment reigns, and most of it comes from your inner man…though there is plenty to be had from other gym patrons. That’s why Downsize was such a great fit. A gym for people that need to lose weight. Judgement free, hard work…it was great, but it was only for a season. Because, the Ft Worth location closed, and I blinked. Then within a year, the Dallas location closed, and I got stupid.
You see, I did the same thing we all do at some point: I lied to myself, as I had 100 times before, about 100 different lies.
- We can do church on our own at home.
- I’ll work out on my own.
- I can hold myself accountable.
- Pick your poison
I kept up pretenses for a month or so. Was even walking sometimes 5 miles a day. I felt like I had finally learned…but, I hadn’t. The problem still exited: I harbored delusions of control.
It’s the root of our problem, isn’t it? Control your habits. Control your nicotine. Your drinking. Your weight. It’s all an illusion really, if we’re honest. And it isn’t as if we are terminally unique. Recall, if you’re familiar, the rich young ruler that Jesus met. He was wealthy, and somewhat Kingdom-minded. Only he had a problem: Jesus wanted him to commit to the process, completely. And he walked away sad, because he couldn’t. and he knew it. He could follow the letter of the law, for sure. But what about the Spirit of the law? Whether we want to see it or not, this is still the central problem in addiction today. Whether it be gluttony, alcohol, dope, pornography, anger, or whatever…we lack the ability to literally turn it all over to God. Sure, we incorporate pieces of the puzzle into our life…but are we truly submitting to Him? Incorporation isn’t submission. I incorporated parts of my routine I use today, in my life 93 pounds ago…but I was still 93 pounds heavier, and still completely broken.
What did the process look like for me?
- Food. I had to find a way to get in under control.
- Supplements. I had to find a way to be consistent with them.
- Water. I had to drink it a lot more than I was. And say good bye to “diet drinks.”
- Fitness. I had to commit to something, period.
- Accountability. No one was in my life that would truly hold me accountable.
- Support. Accountability partners aren’t necessarily your support team.
And it all clicked, the day I agreed to submit to the process. I was desperate. But I needed more than, as the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous says, a frothy emotional appeal. Because, if I’m honest, I was headed to the point of no return. I didn’t need pills, procedures, or counseling. I needed a solution. And in the form of several wonderful people, it happened. And I’m forever changed, and forever grateful.